Quaggar: Tongue-in-cheek

Because of SHE...

2010-08-11T15:40:00.000+01:00

This post is dedicated to SHE who made me come out..

... no, not "come out" like that, silly.. i meant come out of blog-hiding and update.

Anyways, just an update on my last post: I did meet the parents, albeit casually, and just last week, she met mine too :)

Fingers crossed....

Meet the parents...

2010-05-20T18:10:00.000+01:00

[Dusting off cobwebs]

[... even more cobwebs n lotsa dust...]

Hey peeps, long time. I know i know, i didnt quite abandon my blog... y'all know how it is.

Meanwhile, i got a problem. My main squeeze is in town for a wedding. So we get to "see" on Saturday and err.. catch up on a few months of being apart. Only issue is, she's in town with her parents, and the naughty lil girl has hinted jokingly she's going to introduce me to her mumsy (and maybe popsy too) as a "good friend".

Now, i have good reason to suspect she's actually going to do this, and seeing as i have never met any parents of any of my previous girlfriends, i think i'm kinda ~~nervous~~ okay with the whole thingy.

Does anyone have any ideas / tips concerning first meeting with the parents? I know its not a formal one, but still, dunno if i need this right now. Considered skipping the event, but i ~~need that kiss~~ really want to see her. Besides she'd kill me too.

The things we go through for womenfolk. Sigh! Still love y'all though. Can't. Help. It.

Baba God you're too much

2010-03-22T15:54:00.000+01:00

Yes Ooooo!!!

My people, how una dey? How bodi, family and children dem? Iyawo nko.. ati Oko e? Umu gi kwa nu? Its been a looong minute my fellow nigerians, and for that i apologise. Going by my last post some eons ago... i was under some serious stress and sturves. E no easy o.

However, guess what? The job i mentioned two posts ago for which i went for a demo? Well.. we won it. It really was the big break we've been waiting for (two and half years now). God truly works wonders, even when all hope is lost and all doors seem closed.

And the result now.... we're almost always up to our neck in work. I barely have time for anything else, including blogging, apparently. Hope i can remedy that soon. I dont miss blog rounds though.

Till then, stay blessed y'all!

p.s: Umu nnam, unfortunately i speaketh only english and igbo. Had to ask a co-worker for them yoruba phrases up there. Any reader of any other ethnic tribe, pele. Emabinu. (at least i know those ones).

i'm tired / on a long tin...

2010-01-19T18:10:00.002+01:00

I'm mentally, physically & emotionally tired. Have no desire to do any work..or anything else for that matter
.

Sometimes life throws us a curved ball. I dunno how to catch mine. 2010's supposed to be a great year. Well, it had better start picking up fast!

Totally random post I know..guess it can't be helped.

Peace.

and i did it again...

2010-01-10T14:23:00.001+01:00

Barely two weeks into the new year, and I'v broken a resolution already. Ah well, guess I have to try again.

A friend recently broke up wit his gf, only to start receivin anonymous txts starting from the same day of the split. They were from a chic claiming she caused the split with her "powers" and that she loved my friend and would reveal herself to him soon. Wtf? Dunno what this world's turning to, if she seriously thinks letting him know all these would make her attractive to him, even if her stories were true.

Anyways, to better things. I went for a presentation last week, concerning a bid my company's gunning for. Said bid made me sleep 3hrs in two days. Results will be out this week, make una join me pray abeg..this could be the big break I'v been waiting for.

Y'all have a great week ahead! Cheers.

Taking Stock 2009

2009-12-31T22:58:00.003+01:00

I saw this and tiffed it from Original Mgbeke's blog, who saw it and tiffed it from Taynement's blog, who... whatever, u catch my drift. As one christian song says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one... and it will surprise you what the Lord has done". So here goes:

Faith
I haven't been as steadfast with my faith as i would have liked in 2009. There's something about sin that is so wonderfully alluring at the moment, but leaves you feeling guilty later on, especially on Sunday mornings. Living life as a christian is hard in this world of ours, and takes a lot of conscious willpower as well as the special grace of God. So here's hoping for more of his grace in the coming year.

Family
They have been the best thing that has happened to me since.. sliced bread. Seriously. My dad has been the most supportive father ever, and my mum, God bless her heart.... even though they still don't fully understand why i have chosen the path in life i currently follow (I know she'd rather i was working in some oil company than running my own thing. lol). My brothers have bee great also, in fact they practically spoil me silly whenever i come home, not allowing me to do a thing. I secretly suspect its a ploy to always have my pursestrings open for them, but i'm not letting them know i'm in on their secret.

Friendship
I have been blessed with some really great friends, some whom i run a business with, some who have been influential in my life in one way or the other. To you all, i say thank you. Of course, I have a blogville family now.. and you all my friends have made 2009 worthwhile, especially whenever i felt down or low in spirit... i had a place i could always find solace. I have not been very good to a close friend of mine this year, and i deeply regret it. Come 2010, i intend to put that right.

Finances
One of the disadvantages of running a startup is that it tends to consume a lot of your finances. However God smiled on us this year as we gained more industry acceptance in our field, moved into an office finally (from a sitting room..seriously) and i ended the year with a bigger bank balance than the previous year (I was broke the previous year ending, so even a lil money is a lot to me right now, and proves we can go higher). Havent saved up much personally, but.. that's why there's 2010, the year of increase! lol.

Education/Career
Well, no plan on going the Masters route, but considering an MBA in a couple of years, when it makes the most sense to me and my business. I got a professional certification even though i thot i was gonna get three. Ah well, aluta continua.

Relationships
Ok, i'v been a relatively bad boy in 2009 (only relatively.. mind u). However i found a jewel who made the year, or at least the ending of the year.. worthwile. P.s: she's coming around tomorrow, whoo-hoo! But says part of her new year resolution is no more rumu-rumu. Imagine! Now i know i wanna put my faith right in the new year and all, but one whole weekend together after quite a few months of being apart? Ok now, may God help us both.

Physical Health/Fitness
Ok, this is where i failed and failed woefully. I once put up a blog post on my rapidly disappearing six-pack and the emergence of a two-pack or so. I regret to announce that a one-pack is now in full display, to her eternal annoyance. I have started following the advice i got on that blog post.. albeit belatedly. Lets hope 2010 is the year i bring sexy back.

Addictions/Bad habits/Social Life
Hmm, if i've got an addiction, its probably the internet. Might have to cut down on my online hours sha. As for bad habits, i know a couple (i'm not telling) that i need to stop like yesterday. I also need to work on my social life, go out more, mix up more... dat kinda ish. Well, its in the plan for the new year too.

Miscellaneous
I'd stay and think up a few, but i'm just too tired right now. 2009 was a good year, i hope for an even more wonderful 2010. Wishing all of you dear readers, my blog fam, the best of the new year also. May you achieve all you desire, and more.

30minutes to go. Lets go dia!!!

just saying...

2009-12-12T09:51:00.005+01:00

Its drizzling outside...
...and i'm in bed in my birthday suit....perfect weather for early morning nookie... only, there is no "nookess" within arms' length. lol.

I'm becoming a stranger to my blog, and this isnt good. No weapon fashioned against me and my blog shall prosper na aha Jesus. Amen! Been ever faithful in reading all your blogs tho, its like a drug i have to take daily.

Went to the movies the other day after work and came across an ex.. on the arm of some guy. We exchanged hi's and i peeled off into a corner and got into a really long conversation on d fone. lol. Ddnt want to have to spend 10mins before the movie in their company. Only for the said chic to call me the next day and be forming vex that i was acting big boi for her. Wtf? Thot she was in good company, what did she need me hanging around them for again? She claims he aint her bf, but wetin consign me? shuo!

Ehen, has any one seen the new Charlie boy song, Commercial waist? Oga charlie still dey kampe, the dude no wan slow down at all, lol. Check it out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiHn557HbPs

P.s: just what is a commercial waist sef?

P.s.s: where was i when everyone was getting bank loans? I'd hv been one cool cat with some stash somewhere now, especially since the banks are writing off billions in bad debt. Chai, opportunity missed.

Over n out. Yes boss!

Sleepyhead...

2009-10-20T14:07:00.003+01:00

Yours truly is at work, but barely.

These days i feel so sleepy during the day, its alarming. Granted i'm something of a night-owl, never asleep until at least past twelve. However for me to wake up 7.30am, get to the office and have my eyelids drooping by noon is once again... alarming.

What do i do? I have tried chewing my tongue (yep.. dont laugh), reading fun stuff i.e blogs, listen to music... anything except work just in case its the work thats boring me to death. Still, no luck.

I think i know what i'm going to do. I wiil go faor ta lgaon walk durign lunchhhhhhh. in t the hhsope tghat i get ot shake offf. th.ee sl...........

Drat! i nodded off at the keyboard! Wahala dey o!

What in the world...

2009-09-22T12:30:00.005+01:00

I stumbled across this video which left my mouth hanging open for the rest of the day [ it's still open]. I must say, i really do not know what this world's coming to. And the women in this video teaching these kids, no... babies all sorts of stuff ought to be punished somehow.

I'm usually not a judgemental person, and i believe in the saying, "only he with no sin should cast the first stone" but my pple, you need to see this. Or am i missing something here?

Check it out -->

Speaking of naughty things... Nice Anon recently put up a hilarious post on Sex and Size. I laughed my head off while reading the post... it reminded me of the very first porn i saw, a long time ago.

Back then in boarding school we used to have our bath in public and from all i could see around me, i dey kampe for my side. lol. But coming across that video, cant remember if it was Mandingo in it, but all i saw was this black dude packing a tool as big as my forearm! Damn!!! I couldnt believe my eyes i had to go into the loo and peek into my pants to reassure myself. lmao.

Anyways... does anyone know what time it is?

Yup!!!! Its 6.30pm (lagos) and its a Friday Nite! Lets go dia, cos i'v got a feeling... In the words of WC: Some have legs but cannot dance, some can dance but have no legs. We have legs and we can dance, Glory be to Ja Jehova....

Cheers pple.
Have fun.
Be safe.
Keep blogging.

Must..lose..weight

2009-09-08T08:26:00.003+01:00

Sitting at my desk wishing for all the world i was back in my bed, all cuddled up and ish...lol. Snap back to reality, have a mountainload of sturvs to deliver today. Sigh!

Girlfriend has been on my case for a bit now, yabbing my once 6-pack abs.. claiming its now down to one. I usually insist its a two pack, i just need to get it back up to six. lol. Never took her yabs about my weight too seriously tho, i mean, i knew i had put on a few kg, but nothing much to worry about right?

Well, i went shopping for new jeans on Saturday. Went to my usual shop and asked them for my regular sized jeans (34). The guy insisted i am a size 36 and that i should try one of them on. We argued about this for a bit and then i tried it on - perfect fit. I then asked for the size 34 and attempted to wear it. Lets just say.. my hips did not lie. Mortification!!!

To crown it all, i got home and my dad, whom i always teased about his belly, walked up to me and said, "Son, i've been meaning to tell you this, you have to watch your weight o, you're putting on a little too much". Chai, all in one weekend! Whats a brother to do? Well, i decided to cut down on fast foods, on sizes of meals in general and start working out. Smart plan huh?

Lil problem - i had only two meals yesterday, but nearly died in between. There's something about my internal clock that just knows when its meal time and i start salivating. I hardly ever fail to eat three times a day, so i'v got some readjusting to do, even though someone told me cutting down on meals wasnt really a good idea... watcha think?

As for the working out part.. i used to be the envy of my friends when doing situps and pushups way back in school..i could go on for ever. Yesterday, i thank God i was alone in my room during my workout session. lol. Gonna find me some gym around this week and enroll my ass in it, sharpish. Hope there are hot chicks there, so i can jist girlfriend about how uber-hot and sexy they are, and how they wink and make passes at me all day. Serves her right for yabbing me. mschewww.

random ish...

2009-08-04T22:27:00.006+01:00

Been MIA for almost a month now. Gosh! Been really stressed out work-wise.. havent really had the mental strength to blog, even though you can be sure i've been reading every one of yours. Feels good to be back tho. On to my randoms...

Random 1: Naija Banks in Distress

And so the asses of 5 banks has been uncovered..Zenith, Afribank, Oceanic, Finbank and Union bank. Excerpt from the news,

"The central bank last Friday injected 400 billion naira ($2.6 billion) into Afribank (AFRB.LG), Finbank (FIBP.LG), Intercontinental Bank (INBK.LG), Oceanic Bank (OCBK.LG) and Union Bank (UBNP.LG) and sacked their chief executives.

The banks had notched up bad loans totalling 1.14 trillion naira and the regulator said lax governance had left them so weakly capitalised they posed a threat to the banking system in sub-Saharan Africa's second biggest economy."

R2: CR9's legs insured for 100million

Mama!!!! why did you always lock me up, insisting i did my homework and had daily siestas, instead of running around playing ball with my mates. Who knows.. i might have been a football prodigy. Sigh!

So Real Madrid insures Christiano Ronaldo's legs for 100mil dollars!!! Just his legs o! Methinks his wife (if he's married) should insist they also insure his manhood for sum'n similar.. after all, it could get hit by a thunderbolt of a shot and sum'n gets squashed. Lol.

R3: darey's new video

This dude, darey's really beginning to impress me. I've never really been a fan of his songs even though his vids are always eye-candy. But this one is really good. The name of the song, u ask? Well, i cant remember, click on the link to check it out yourself.. sue me!

R4: Kidnappings in Naija

Dunno what's happening in this country anymore, especially in my beloved Igboland. They've run out of ideas of people to kidnap, they've started facing entertainers... just last week they kidnapped and thankfully released Pete Edochie, the actor, after some good money must have exchanged hands. Someone should tell them to face the politicians joo..they have the money.

Just the other day my dad tells me our church in the village is inviting him to come over.. something about giving him some fancy title and him chairing an occasion. Mschewww! Let me catch his leg anywhere near the East first. I and the rest of the family have already given him a serious warning. He should just send them a note of thanks and any token of appreciation and sit his wonderful ass down in Lagos here.

It shall be well with Nigeria... someday.

R5: Lightening Bolt

Seriously, someone needs to check this Usain Bolt guy out. 9.54 secs in 100m? Broken his world record twice already? Lowered the world record by more units than anyone else ever since electronic timing was introduced waaaay back in 1968 or so? Wow.

Just hope they dont find out someday he's juiced up on some drugs, cos that will really be sad. For now, i'm rooting for him to tear it up again tomorrow at the 200m world championship finals.

Gotta..go..to..bed.. now... Peace!

u've been warned...

2009-07-24T18:16:00.004+01:00

Hey peeps,

Stumbled across this site, thanks to facebook. Been laughing my head off ever since.

http://amebor.com/

They seem to cover parties in yankee and put up the funniest and most embarassing moments. If you stay in yanks.. you've been warned.

Having said that, head over there folks.

p.s: was looking out for pics of vera, bumight, scribblemefree n co. lmao! Aint seen em yet tho...

pps: how will i recognise them, you ask? Hit me up in my inbox.. i cud throw you some hints [insert evil grin]

spamming facebook

2009-07-09T07:14:00.001+01:00

Met someone the other day..
Started chatting n textin..
Exchanged over 80 facebook messages daily 4 a week now..
Facebook threatens 2 block our accounts bcos of this..
We'll simply switch to gtalk..
Guess we're spammin their network,lol..
Hvnt hung out together yet..
Intend 2 remedy that this weekend!

Peace.

May you never walk alone

2009-06-29T09:46:00.002+01:00

So i carried myself to mainland the other day. I dislike driving on the mainland because of the police. I think staying on the island has spoilt me, cos one can live and drive around the island for one whole year without getting stopped by the police, even once.

So i left my house pretty early to beat the mad Ajah-Lekki traffic and got to Surulere around 9a.m. After finishing all i came to do (family stuff, plus mumsie was missing me so i dropped by her shop.lol) i started heading back home. As i got towards the National Stadium, it happened.

Police: [standing in the middle of the road] Oga park well.
me: O.C, is there a problem ( i was probably feeling cool and in control at this point)
O.C: Just park well oga, and let me see your papers.

Now, i usually pride myself in ensuring that i am on the right side of the law. Driving license.. check. Vehicle insurance... check. Anything else... check. So i smugly handed him my papers only for him to say:

O.C: this your papers is not correct o!
me: how is that? its not possible.
O.C: Your engine number and chassis number cannot be the same
me: I'm not a mechanic, neither do i work in the vehicle registration office. If that's what is on the paper, then that is what it is, unless you can show me otherwise
O.C: Oya, open your bonnet

So i came down and went over to open the bonnet. Now i was rushing back for a meeting at the office, so i figured i'd just give the policeman something and be on my way, after all, my time was really important. So i fished in my pocket and came up with N200 and called the policeman.

me: O.C look, lets just move forward so that everyone will be happy. Take this for lunch.
O.C: [first collects the money] Oya let us go to the station, you will write a statement explaining why you tried to bribe a policeman to prevent him from doing his duty.

And that was the beginning of my troubles. Like play like play, the thing became serious. I refused to go to the station and we kept on going back and forth. I considered just driving off, since i had only given them photocopies of my papers and driving license, but i did not. After a while they accepted N2000 from me (albeit reluctantly). One of them even asked me how i could be giving them 200 naira, as if it could afford them anything. On top my own money!!!

Now i know better sha, because i dont think i handled that situation pretty well. They sensed my impatience and hooked me with it. Going forward, i shall "shine my eye".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a sad note, the world just lost an icon in M.J. He was someone i grew up admiring. Back in my primary school days, i was known as lil m.j cos i mimicked most of his dance moves to perfection... and it helped me win a lot of dancing competitions in birthday parties. lol. Such is life sha, we live and die and the world moves on. I learnt one lesson this past few days, and that is to appreciate anyone and everyone who has made an impact in your life while you can and the person is still available. The whole M.J hullabaloo just stinks of hypocrisy because the very same people who gave him hell while he was still alive have turned round to sing his praise to high heavens.

I hereby appreciate all my blogger peeps for helping me keep my sanity with your blog stories, comments, concern and friendship. Now i understand even better the motto of Liverpool F.C, "You will never walk alone".

This n that...

2009-06-13T22:47:00.003+01:00

What do you want? Where are we going with this?

I got asked those questions last week, and i did not have a proper answer to them, at least not while looking into her eyes. Indecision's a bitch, and she's got me by the balls. Just pray i do right with all this, at the end of the day.

Saw Angels and Demons the other day... and oh my, what a movie! I have all Dan Brown books i could lay my hands on i.e Da Vinci Code, Angels n Demons, Deception Point.. and i've probably read each one like 5 times over minimum. Yet after all that, the movie still blew me away. Dunno about the christian, moral part of it like some of my friends are wont to argue about, but its sure lived up to the hype for me.. a must watch, pple!

Check these songs out: Ciara ft The Dream - Lover's Thing (guess its bcos i'm somewhere in this place right now.. lol)

And my boy, Jeremih, talking about Birthday Sex... yummy!

P.S: Kobe's gonna win his 4th ring tomorrow, finally! Lakers all d way.

Short Post Alert!

2009-05-29T08:50:00.003+01:00

With all em bloggers always giving long post alerts, thought i'd do the same [well, almost].

This is just a quick shout-out to all my Barca boys, who did us their fans proud by stuffing the faces of all em ManU folks. If ManU had won, God knows we would not have been able to hear anything else for the rest of the year... with Evra and co. running their mouth off before even the ball was kicked on the pitch!

Congrats to the blaugrana who played their hearts out. Puyol was a monster all over the park, who would have thought Yaya Toure, a fine-ass midfielder would actually play better than Rio Ferdinand and Vidic in defence? And dont let me even get started on the Xavi-Iniesta partnership down the middle. Thats stuff made in heaven right there. Eto'o, the finest proponent of African football i know, hats off man.... and Messi, the wizard.

Have to go now, duty calls... someone here's giving me the evil eye cos i'm in front of the computer on a public holiday instead of in...

Cheers y'all. Stay blessed.

p.s: Happy democracy day Nigeria. Not quite sure what we're celebrating, but...

Tokunbo (fairly used)

2009-05-20T19:12:00.003+01:00

A friend had been considering getting himself a new car..specifically a hyundai elantra cos the car looks slick and they had a promo going on for much of late last yr/early this year. Car was going for about 1.8mil (naira). So dude finally raises money and has his mind made up, so we called up hyundai last week.

friend: Hi, i want to get an elantra, hope they are still available?

Customer service(CS): Yes they are, in ******* models

friend: what's the price range again? shebi its from 1.8mil

CS: No sir. We are done with the promo. The starting price is now 2.6mil (or thereabouts, i forget)

friend: Shit! When next are u doing a promo na?

At this point i burst out laughing. We could not believe it, 800k difference was quite some money. Dude had to consider other options, cos he really needed to buy a car.. was tired of biking and busing all over lagos.

Next Stop: Berger (Apapa)

At this point i have to say, my igbo brothers are just amazing. Needless to say, they run the show here, as seems to be common with most of such markets. They see you coming from afar and start swarming around you like flies.."Oga which one u wan buy", "na we dey sell correct one, no mind dat boi", etc. If they finally manage to lead you off to any car section, you can be sure some hundreds (or tens) of thousands will be added to the final figure for any car you pick.

Anyways, the cars were sleek, looking practically new! We felt there had to be a catch somewhere. lol. Trust the naija sixth sense.. always looking for fault. We narrowed down to some cars, got their prices, and then zoomed off.

Next Stop: Cotonou

(disclaimer: this blog does not in any way encourage or endorse the trafficking of cars into nigeria through land borders. this post is merely educational)

Ok, having got that out of the way.. we proceeded to Cotonou. This was one helluva long journey considering where we set off from (lekki) all the way to mainland, badagry, then continued waaay after till we got there. We went with a mechanic highly experienced in err.. certain matters related to transportation of goods. He in turn had a guy over there who could speak french, yoruba, english and igbo. He was our guide.

Omo, you need to see the parks in Cotonou. They have a collection of parks where cars are stocked, mainly by white fellas (not sure of nationality) and with a lot of natives as their groundsmen. We entered about 8 parks, each containing not less than 300 cars, and we were told we had not even gone a quarter of the way. There could easily be at least 5million cars there! And so the tour/search/hunt began.

Our mechanic friend really proved his worth here. Every single car i was attracted to at first sight, he pointed out a flaw in it.. either that it was painted (which indicates an attempt to hide a flaw i.e refurbishing) or that it was too old internally, just had a nice body. It was a fun, highly educative trip because i learnt a lot about cars that day and certain tips and tricks for spotting good buys. My friend finally got to see one he liked and was within his price budget (about 150k difference from Berger's price). Did he buy or not? See disclaimer above.... or contact me via email for more details.

Used Car Purchasing Notes:

Be sure to go with an experienced mechanic. Some of the cars imported into the country are right-wheel drives i.e from london. The guys at berger convert them to left-wheel drives, and the average joe (me and you) are none the wiser
A good number of the cars are also accidented/salvaged vehicles which they do some serious work on, change a few parts, paint and wax like say tomorrow no dey, and voila.. spanking new tokunbo.
Some of the dealers in berger smuggle the cars from Cotonou and then fake the Port clearance papers. You then buy the car only to be stopped by police/customs officers who tell u this fact, belatedly. Of course this registration costs about 200-300k.. so u just got swindled
These folks have the ability to tamper with the cars' odometer. Thats the thingy that keeps a record of the mileage of the car (how many miles the car has run since production). See a car with mileage under 60,000? Odds are high they've tampered with it. I was even introduced to a guy in Cotonou who does this for a fee. They claim many of the Berger dealers do this to the cars they buy before transporting to naija.
If you can, i recommend you copy the vehicle's identification number (VIN) and run a search on it on this site: http://www.carfax.com. They have an inventory of cars and all reports on the cars ranging from number of former owners, last reported mileage, repair/service works, accidents, etc. It is a paid service, ranging from 30-40 dollars or so. Definitely worth a try.

p.s: heard of tokunbo underwear anyone? pants, bras, boxers, lingerie? but that's a story for another day

Ode to Barca...

2009-05-06T23:43:00.002+01:00

Up we went, to the den of the Blues
Hunting for a goal, or two if we could
Back at home it had ended a stalemate
Now in London we were ready to checkmate

And so it kicked off, barca up and pressing
Typical of Chelsea, they hung back defending
Until suddenly, Essien hit us below the belt
and before our eyes, we saw our dream melt

Ref was confused, gave us a red
then turned and denied them three pens*
One thing we learned, never to back down
we huffed and puffed till the sun went down

Messi pops up in the box, lays the ball to Iniesta
who with the outside of his right boot, hit a curler
Barca in the finals, Chelsea in disbelief they stand
and dear me, blogville, i'm in love with a man.

Blogville peeps, how are y'all? Did you catch the match between Barca and Chelsea? If you didnt, you just missed a fine display of soccer at its best.

My beloved Arsenal got blown away yesterday, and i couldnt believe Chelsea were about to do the same to Barca today.

Until my lil man Iniesta pops up with a beauty, right at the death... sending me into orgasmic bliss. Nothing like a good match of football to get the heart pumping.

Oh.. we need to send the ref a bottle of champagne... he kept us in it till the very end. lol.

Big ups to Barca, for bringing sexy back.

p.s: pens = penalties

Why, O why...

2009-04-27T16:50:00.003+01:00

Why is it that power supply is so epileptic in Nigeria, 49 years after our independence, in the so-called giant of Africa. Yet smaller african countries boast of a whole year or more of uninterrupted power supply?

Why is it that a country that produces and exports crude oil, regularly has fuel scarcity problems.. some brought about by strikes, others by Lastma grounding fuel tankers and bringing the whole nation to a halt?

Why is it that the traffic on our roads have become so bad, some people spend more time on the road than at home in bed?

Why is it that people are very good at demanding for services, but very bad at paying for them? They even look you in the eye and either lie or tell you they have no money. If you like, you can sue them or call EFCC.

Why is it that Nigerians do not invest in IT? Despite the global trend towards IT, software, and computing, the average Nigerian investor would rather put his money into land, housing and trading on goods that he can see, hear or touch. Stocks... they will consider, despite their free-fall. Software? You might as well be speaking Mandarin.

Why is doing (IT/Software)business in Nigeria so difficult?

The most important words...

2009-04-20T12:27:00.004+01:00

I came across this write-up and it made so much sense to me, just had to share...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The six most important words: I admit I made a mistake.

The five most important words: You did a good job.

The four most important words: What is YOUR opinion?

The three most important words: If you please.

The two most important words: Thank You.

The one most important word: We.

The least important word: I."

- Author Unknown

Mobile Stalker...

2009-04-17T02:08:00.001+01:00

Hey pples,

Work's been crazy n all, somehow i haven't found time to blog. This is bad. Note to self: Must improve my blogging frequency.

Something wierd seems to be going on lately. As much as i hate to admit it, i've come to the realisation that i do indeed have a stalker. Luckily the stalking is over the phone for now, pray she doesnt start showing up at my door at 11pm.

How did i meet her? Well, she's a member of my family church.. a chorister actually. We attended something, i think confirmation classes a while back together at church, but we never really talked then. This was just before i got into the university, she was still in secondary school then.

Fast forward many years later, and i go visiting my family, and end up going to church with em, only to see her amongst the choir. During offering, we happened to catch each other's eye, and she smiled at me. At the end of service we get talking, exchange digits, etc. And that, was the beginning of my problem.

You see, girl's ok.. pretty if you like but not beautiful, and generally not my type. However she seems to have other ideas. She started calling, texting and all.. until it kinda got to me and i started ignoring her. In fact i had to tell her plainly that i wasnt interested in anything. Thankfully it died down, so i assumed she got the jist.

Now many months later, i show up in that church again (on Easter Sunday, no less) and chic starts her shit all over again. calls, flashes , texts saying nothing useful but just that she wanted to know how i was, wish me goodnite, have a great day, ets. As i type this, its 1.53a.m, and i've gotten 2 texts 2 calls and 100 flashes (ok, more like 5) within the last one hour. Doesnt she know a guy's gotta sleep, so as to go to work the next day?

I would have just got her home, fucked her brains out and sent her packing in the most "asshole" manner i can conjure, but she's kinda too close to home, church and all. Worse still, my mum happens to know her mum, so i dont want any long tin.

Guess i'm just gonna have to break it down to her once again, in plain English. "Sorry girl, but this dude aint interested!". Might probably repeat it in Igbo for good measure!

Sweet tooth...

2009-04-05T00:16:00.004+01:00

Gf: Baby, i'll be coming over from camp next week...

me: thats great dear. So yr nysc camp's winding up

gf: yea... and Q dear, i think we have to stop the whole sex thing. Its not quite right, you know, church n all.

me: i understand, but u know say bodi no be firewood. Anyways, no prob.. see u when u get here

gf: alrite, bye then

That was a part of a conversation i had wit girlfriend 2 weeks ago. I chuckled in my mind cos what she was proposing didnt seem feasible. Shuo! no sex? After being celibate for months now on account of distance (school, camp, etc) and faithfulness. Ddnt want to make a fuss about it on the phone though.. make she come first.

Day finally came, she arrived. We kissed and made out and updated each other excitedly on stuff.. she happily showing me her nysc kit and awards from school (yea i know, she's one beautiful efico).

Kicked our heels back later that evening on the sofa, watching a movie. One thing leads to another... i kiss her lips, nibble her earlobes.. she playfully pushes me away. We start a mini cushion fight, i chase her to the bedroom...

... we continue with pillows, laughing and generally scattering the whole place. She finds herself on top of me on the bed, victorious (trust me now..) , hot and excited. I pull her towards me, and she starts kissing me. I flip us over so i'm on top.. kissing, touching and ravishing her body. I caress her breasts, nibbling gently on the nipples.

..she moans with pleasure as i make my way down.. cos in the words of R.Kelly, "Fuck it, i'm gonna get my sugar up, cos i got a sweet tooth". My tongue finds my way in and around her as she squirms and moans and runs her hands through my hair.

...pretty soon she cant take it any more and she begs me to enter her, fill her, fuck her. I willingly oblige and proceed to give her the experience of a lifetime. We spend the rest of the weekend doing nothing but movies, food and sexing all day long. She takes off this evening, back to her service state (close enuf to lagos).

..so much for us staying off sex. Certainly not anytime soon.

Thought for the week...

2009-03-30T09:17:00.002+01:00

Sloth

A colleague of mine told me about his experience on Sunday, yesterday. He was at church, and he was praying fervently that God bless his business (he runs a young software company in lagos), bring more clients this new quarter, etc.

When he finished, he decided to glance through the bulletin and as he turned the page, he saw an article on sloth. After reading it, he said he realised part of the problem of his business. He felt he had been slothful for some time now.

Sloth is, simply put..a sin of laziness or indifference, of an unwillingness to act. It means putting off till tomorrow, what you could easily do today. It is an aversion to work or exertion; laziness; indolence.

Reflecting genuinely, one begins to realise just how much this affects us. You may not immediately realise that you have been slothful, but take a moment to reflect. Do you procrastinate a lot? Carry over work to another day, just because you dont feel like it? Does this happen often? How about that certification/exam you have been meaning to take for the last 3 years? Or is it your constant yearly resolution to get closer to God (which you never really do)?

This truth hit home to me, as i realised i had been guilty of it too. Therefore i resolved to start this new quarter with a renewed spirit. Banish the temptation to procrastinate and do the right things at the right time. I know it will do me a world of good. I pray for His Grace also to achieve this.

What about you? Have a lovely week.

Ever wondered what its like?

2009-03-20T19:57:00.001+01:00

Pple,

Ever wondered how the Opposite Sex
Experiences an Orgasm?

Click here to find out!

...i wonder if i'll ever see you again...

2009-03-13T14:45:00.003+01:00

All of my life
Where have you been?
I wonder if I'll ever see you again.... [ Lenny Kravitz - Again ]

That song keeps running through my head like its on repeat with the controls jammed. Why, do u ask? Well, lets just say... i met someone the other day, and i cant seem to forget her.

Friday evening saw me hanging out with the boiz as usual. Making noise. Driving around. Getting a lil' tipsy. Club-hopping. We got to this club and i was at the bar, generally staking out the scene. U know how it is, trying to identify the chics who came to have fun with their friends... and the hookers trying to catch your eye. Then it happened.

I saw a girl get up and start dancing just when the DJ cued in Julie, by Shank (clubbanger even after 8mths). She was abt 5.6', couldnt really see her features cos i was kinda far away but her figure was like a hour glass and there was something about the way she moved.... i just had to move in.

So i downed my drink and stepped up to her smiling. She kinda froze mid-step so i said, "Dont worry, i dont bite." while still smiling. She relaxed and then we started dancing. I realised then that she was pretty too, thanks to the lights that came briefly on at a time. Our eyes met, she smiled and looked down before the lights went out again, save for the flashing club lights.

And my, could she dance. I could discern she was no hooker, and there was something about her that just fascinated me for some reason. I couldnt explain it. I asked her her name, she said Vicky. Tried to get her number, she smiled sweetly and said no. I pressed further, she pointed to a couple seated nearby and said she came with the guy. So i asked, if he was her boyfriend, she smiled and kept quiet. Just then, my phone started ringing. My friends were calling. I told her i had to leave, and tried one more time to get her number but she refused. My phone rang again so i guessed they wanted to leave so i had to go (as i no carry car).

Only to get downstairs to meet them coming back up, saying they were just wondering where i was and they werent ready to leave. I could have killed someone. Got back into the club and went to get a drink. then decided to go back for her. Looked round the whole club and could not find her or her friends. They had gone!

I couldnt believe it. That was the end of the fun that night for me. For some reason, Vicky's still on my mind. I wonder if i'll ever see her again.

What a week: 2

2009-03-06T02:51:00.001+01:00

So i got through my drugs (thank God) and by Friday of the same week, was all spritely once more. I resumed work and by evening had a long face on once more... its amazing how tiring some days can be. I made my way back home, contemplated going to look for some fun that night but didnt quite have the energy for it. While settling down to watch me a good movie and go to bed, one of my pals calls me up:

Pal: Quaggar, wats up? wat are you up to this lovely friday evening?
Me: Err... watching a movie...
Pal: Dude, u need a life. Remember Amanda? Nysc?
Me: Of course (see, me and amanda had history, nysc camp days sometime back)
Pal: She's got two friends with her, and they wanna hang out tonite. Lets go pick em up
Me: Slow down my guy, u don see the chics? how dem be?
Pal: Nah, havent seen them, but Amanda's pretty, her friends should be
Me: what the heck, i'm in.

So i get my lazy butt off my bed and hurriedly dress up, already constructing images of how the evening was gonna go in my mind's eye. Pal gets to my place few minutes later, and we drive off. On the way, we call up another friend and he meets us at amanda's house, all fresh n clean. We made our way to her flat, but on getting there we see this fine chic out front, jisting with some guy... and they looked dressed to go out.

So i ask, "Amanda, is that you?" (i knew she wasnt but damn, chic was so fine.. had to say sum'n)
She replies, no, but Amanda's inside.

So we knock and Amanda comes out, meanwhile... fine chic and guy move off, presumably to his car cos we dont see them again that nite. Amanda started apologising, "Quaggar, guys, sorry, i didnt know one of my friends had other plans... this guy showed up and she had to go out with him. We're just two now".

(Me thinking fast... that means two girls, three guys... one fella go hear am today, and it aint me). No problem, i say, where's yr pretty friend. So she calls out to her friend and her friend (lets call her Eve) steps out. Immediately, everywhere went silent. I swear i could hear my pal's heart beat.

This chic that steps out was big. As in, BIG! She was over six ft (cos she was taller than me) and probably weighed like 100kg. Funny thing is, she didnt look too fat, as per, she seemed kinda fit for her size but still, she had boobs each as big as my head and was thrice my size. Talk about not counting your chickens before they hatch. No offense to big women, but meeeen... none of us guys had bargained for what we were getting.

So we head off into the night, clubbing and generally having fun. Somehow i got roped with Eve, cos my guys no send, in fact one of them later left us and went in search of greener pastures. Anyhow, nothing dey happen, i consoled myself.. its only for a nite. And boy, did we have fun. She was actually so much fun to be with, and could really dance, which somehow surprised me.

After getting a lil high and dancing our hearts away (she was dancing and moving and i was generally trying to keep up while staying out of striking distance of those swinging boobs..lol). My friend gave me d signal and told em he was tired and needed to go sleep. They were like nooooo, we should go somewhere else, there was this club that was like the bomb in ikoyi or sumn.

I nearly burst out laughing cos my friend was clearly trying to discharge them and they ddnt seem to realise it. I was also in support of the plan cos though Eve was fun, i generally am not much attracted to chics taller than me (guess its male ego)... and especially not one taller AND bigger! So in the end we went and dropped them off, and then went off to go make up for lost time.

Next time, i'm sure as hell not getting roped into any blind date woteva. Doesnt work for me.

By the way, i'll be taking some exams come thursday next week, and i havent even gone halfway into the main text. Sigh...pressures of work. Guess i should get back to studying... must.. not ... sleep... off.

Cheers y'all.

What a week: part 1

2009-02-28T20:08:00.006+01:00

Recall my last post about them mosquitoes? Well, they finally did their worst and got me sick last week. My colleagues at work literally put me into the car on monday morning and drove me to the hospital, cos like everyone knows (and u too, now) i absolutely hate drugs and do anything to avoid them. In fact, i recall once back in secondary school when i fell sick and had just come back from the sick bay where i was pumped full of drugs. I fell asleep and in my dream saw tablets and capsules of all sizes, some as small as coins and others as large as footballs, all with eyes noses and evil grins on their hideous mouths..laughing and screaming,"You must swallow us today!". Then they started forcing themselves into my mouth and i was gagging and they kept on forcing... and i woke up screaming and throwing up, and got myself rushed back to the school hospital. So now you understand just how much i hate them.

Anyways, i got to the hospital and met this young female doctor. After some chit chat and consultation, she recommended some tests i.e MP, widal, blood count thingies of which i was cool with.. until the following conversation ensued:

Doc: Let me ask, have you had unprotected sex in the last 6 months?

Me: (pauses for 3 secs thinking, does a one-time skinny dippin wit my regular gf count? wot abt a 1min quickie wit a "friend" dat happened too fast?) NO.

Doc: Hmmm, you paused for a bit there before answering NO. I'm also going to recommend a HIV test. I usually do for young pple, hope you dont mind?

Me: Of course not, go ahead. (freaking out in my head, bcos so far i'v actually managed to dodge one for like, forever.. for no real reason too).

So i'm given immediate medication, blood drawn for the tests and told to lie down for a couple of hrs within which my results would be ready. I do that and immediately fall asleep, to wake up 2hrs later and i see the doctor's assistant passing by with some other pple. I asked him if my results were ready and he started bawling, "Sir, only one is ready, the other two will be in the next 5mins. Your HIV test is ready sha, and......"
Immediately in my head i start screaming noooooo, this fool! Why would u announce to the whole world that i did a HIV test and then proceed to tell the whole world what the result is, instead of me in private??? Why me???

But the idiot continued ".. and it is negative. Please exercise patience, and the rest will be ready". I jumped up on the bed, danced a jig and started running around the hospital excitedly. Ok, ok, i just lay back and silently sent up a thank you to God. I know say i no too be bad boy, but still, i no too be good boy either, you see.

They ended up sending me home with a truckload full of drugs, and a much lighter wallet. Turns out i had malaria and a lil of typhoid. Didnt mind much though, cos health is wealth, and besides, i finally got tested.

Phew! there's still part two of the story to come...
Cheers pple.

DARNED MOSQUITOES.

2009-02-20T02:40:00.004+01:00

They must be relics of the Moses era... annoying insects sent by God to plague the Egyptians. Moses must've left em behind when he left Egypt though. No wonder they're still stuck in Africa and unfortunately most of em found their way to Nigeria, Lagos to be exact and my area to be even more precise.

Here i was lying on my bed, really annoyed at no one in particular, wondering what the hell was wrong with this country Nigeria. I had just purchased a can of Raid insecticide the day before and sprayed near half its contents all over my room. I was feeling so cool with myself, cos u see, my estate's transformer had just packed up. It was either we waited for good old NEPA (abi na PHCN) to come fix it up or we took the initiative. Trust my lekki neighbors, rich dudes with more money dan they know wot to do wit it... they go around and agree amongst themselves that each house would contribute 100k to the "New Transformer" fund immediately.

100 GRAND!!! Shuo! see me see wahala. Na me and my boys carry ourselves come live for dis kain big man area. Trust me na, i begin speak grammar for my own compound, where luckily there are four flats, so 25k each (which makes me wonder, all dem big men in their own houses will just bring out the 100k like dat,chai..but i digress). Explained how the landlord technically shud be the one paying for the transformer, since we would not be taking a part of the transformer with us when packing out of his house.

Fast forward to last nite.. and its been 3 nights of hell with no A.C or fan at night (cant run a gen all nite, thank u). And i just got ripped off by whoever makes Raid insecticides. Made the mistake of sleeping without a shirt, in a couple of hours i had scratched myself red. Stupid mosquitoes buzzing around nonchalantly, some even had the guts to come sing in my ear! Una no go kill me for my own house O.

Promptly woke up and carefully counted out my 25k. Damn my stuck-up neighbors.. but i sure as hell cant survive this for much longer. Especially as it doesnt do my love life any good either!

Peace!